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True Friendship (A. M.)
True friendship is hard to come by. Now I have a friend named Doris
Bell which I've known from Whitby Hospital. She's here on PG:6 in
QSHMC. Friends stick together, share a few smokes together, and
yes there's even laughter, crying and jokes. A couple days ago I
was approached by Doris, sad and lonely because people keep stealing
her clothes. Went down to the clothesline, got a few clothes, shoes
and even asked if she wanted to donate her large size clothes, and
said "Yes." Since I am on the Patients Council as chair even when
I am not acting as a representative, I help out my friend Doris
and forever we will always be friends in life, soul, spirit and
in both our hearts. Friendship is forever.
Mother (R.)
I like my mother the best. She always take care about me. No matter
what happens to me. When I was sick, she take care of me. That was
very important first. My dad did not care about me. He always drinking
too much. And he hits my mother lots of time. He hit me too. I used
to stay away from him because he's drinking too much. He does not
know how to control himself. He is violent person to everybody in
the family. I had friends that used to play hockey.
QSMHC (L. S.)
Being here at the Queen Street Mental Health Centre passing time,
singing, laughing and dancing at the Spot 1 evening dances in the
Mall.... This admission for me began some months ago, and some last
six months to a year or two, fixing and getting, in all, a lot of
help. I now feel away from struggle and am doing fine, until trouble
comes a-calling in on me. But, to be "buts" about it, Queen Street
has given back to me, in so many varying ways, passions, studies,
ideals, categories and love. In short, I love Queen Street and she
loves me.
The World At Your Feet (D. M.)
Well, what can I say? Without family and friends in this world
you have nothing. All the money in the world cannot buy you what
your friends and family give you. If you have friends and family,
you have the world at your feet, whether you choose to accept it
or not. Whether you're short, tall, big, little, you are nothing
without them and they are nothing without you.
Some Friends Will Never Come Back (Anonymous)
I want to tell my friends that I feel ashamed of the way I acted
and spoke. I'm sorry I was crazy. I'm sorry I had no concept of
regular manners anymore. The world caved in and I couldn't save
myself. I know that some friends will never come back, so the apology
isn't worth much. Sometimes, I wish I didn't talk to my friends
at all. We all promise we'll be with each other through the hard
times, but when those times come people don't remember promises.
All they see is the hurt and fear in your eye, and they back away
politely. All they see is the craziness and it's contagious. They
can't deal with their own problems, forget about mine.
The normal guy would tell me I shouldn't feel guilty about it;
there was nothing I could do. But the sane guy wants me in the hospital
taking meds if I'm ever crazy. It would make him feel more safe.
If it ever happens again, I won't go to the hospital. I will be
selfish and refuse expert friendship, expert caring, professional
love. I won't be buried in false concern. When they don't let you
decide for yourself whether to stay or to go, life is meaningless.
I won't go to the hospital for the sake of my friends' peace.
I guess the idea is to struggle to get back into life the hard
way. Back to work, if there is any work. Back to heartlessness.
Back to production for the sake of production. Back to cold reason.
Again, back to survival of the fit. Back to sanity.
At The Heart of Life (Anonymous)
Do you feel like you're having fun with the doctors and staff?
They are forever trying to make us go back to work with all sorts
of programs. Don't they realize the efforts we've gone through in
life to go on family benefits and get a free ride? On the down side,
society expects us to be productive. Therefore, in my case, I feel
that my family is looking down on me for being a bum, while actually,
I say to myself every day: "Have I lived a little bit today yet?"
I would like to spare my family the reality of my living joyfully
day by day with doctors racking their brains trying to figure out
what to do next, with recreation staff inventing things to do left,
right and centre, and everybody wanting me on some sort of committee.
I have to spare my family such chaos.
Gone With The Wind (M. M.)
I miss you, and the memory of you in my life was the most beautiful
experience. Thank you dear Jesus for your many blessings. We will
survive.
Sister and Brother (M.)
Fifteen years I've been here and I get out in November. I'm going
to start working again in Peterborough as a nursing aid in an old
folks home. My sister came last Christmas to see me. She brought
me a present, stayed for a while, then left. Every time I try to
call her, the machine answers and it says she'll call right back.
But I never hear from her. My brother is in the Whitby Hospital--
he'll never get out. I wanted to go see him and my sister said,
"No, he's too sick for you to see him."
Money Problems (R.)
One day a friend of mine, James, was having a few money problems
and came to talk to me.
"Ron, can you help me? My Hydro is being cut off," he said. I had
no money at that time so I said that I had a working buddy, Jim,
which he had met. I told James to go ask Jim if he could lend him
some cash.
So James went to Jim's house and explained the situation. Jim responded
by calling me and asking if I could trust James on paying him back.
I answered, "Sorry, I can't get involved." Jim still went ahead
and loaned James the money. A week later, when James was to pay
the money back, he was nowhere to be found.
Jim phoned me to see if I knew where James was. I said, "I haven't
seen him in the last two days." Just then, James knocked at my door.
I said, "Did you know that Jim called and he's mad at you? What
happened to you?"
James told me that he was broke and was avoiding Jim because he
didn't know what to do. So I told James to phone Jim and ask him
for a few more days. He did this. Jim was mad but gave him another
week.
A week later, Jim phoned me saying James never turned up again.
So I gave him the money out of my own pocket and said, "Don't give
anyone money unless you actually don't need it back."
A couple of days later, James went to Jim's and gave him the money
he owed him, but Jim never told him about the money I gave him.
So I was forgot all about. When I found out about Jim getting paid
twice, I asked for my money back and he said, "It's gone." So I
was out. Through all of this, I lost both friends.
Who I Am (R. H.)
I am writing this to tell you a little about myself. When I was
a very young boy, my family lived on a farm. Because of helping
on the farm, I never got an education. I have a psychiatric background
of many years. I am disabled and I have epilepsy. Through all of
this I became a person with a hard personality and a lot of problems
that made it difficult for me to get along with people.
I have a lot of experience in many different occupations, but have
no licence in any one area. The work experience I have is in the
areas of mechanics, furniture refinishing and building, electrical
circuitry, bricklaying, bookkeeping, renovations, painting, artistry,
car body restorations and high performance reconstruction, drafting
and designing my own bike and trike.
I've owned and operated three businesses: R. Hughes Auto (Brittania
Beach, BC), Hughes Transport (Timmins, ON), Hughes Furniture (Uxbridge,
ON). All were closed down because I had no licence.
In 1995 I decided I needed to shift directions, but I had been
living a wild life which made it hard for me to change. I'm now
a grade 8 student with some education. I'm a lot happier and I have
a relationship with a woman that's going well.
Madness Befriends Reason (Erick Fabris)
Reason met Madness but once, a long time ago. Both of them were
on their way to a banquet in honour of a mutual friend, Charm. Madness,
with its snaky, gravelly hair, met Reason half way to the banquet.
They walked together for some time without a care. They knew nothing
of what was to come, and they spoke in complete contradictions for
quite some time, thinking nothing of it. Madness listened with wonder
to Reason's brilliant speeches, and Reason was enchanted by Madness'
rain of expressions.
Reason felt intrigue, attraction in fact, for wily Madness. There
was so much interest that a kiss was passed between them. Madness
never knew a kiss like this. When they finally arrived at the banquet
in Charm's honour, they were seen arm in arm. Reason's calm eyes
watched the proceedings with delight, recording and analyzing every
interaction, every word and gesture-- except for those of Madness,
of course, which Reason could not quite comprehend. And Madness,
for its part, became bewildered by the pageant whirling around the
table s. Such excitement! Before the food was served, Madness did
something that took Reason by surprise. A flurry of words came thundering
from Madness' mouth, the meaningless to everyone at the party. Everyone,
that is, except Reason! The guests all frowned and stared and cocked
their heads to hear, but no one could quite make out what Madness
was trying to say. Some of them felt insulted, some felt fearful,
some felt resentment. Reason, however strange, felt love. But how
could this new friend be saying something that made so much sense?
And yet be making no sense to anyone else? Reason was perplexed.
Quickly, Madness was escorted from the banquet. The guests had
heard enough and they could stand the noise no longer. Reason was
then asked, with some delicacy, what it was that Madness had said.
Pretending not to have understood, Reason just shook its head without
a word. There was, after all, too much to say. A short time after,
Reason left the party and walked home through the world somewhat
disturbed. It could no longer understand the world as it once had.
Distressed by this, Reason saw for the first time that if there
was to be a world for it at all, Madness would have to be captured,
conquered and groomed. And this crazy thought broke Reason's heart.
1994, April, Introductory
Isssue
1994, August, "Restraints and Isolation"
1995, May, "Victory in
Court"
1995, September, "Housing"
1996, January, "Alternatives
to Psychiatry"
1996, May, "Does Mental Illness Exist"
1996, September, "Friends and Family"
1997, January, "Beliefs"
1997, November, "Speaking Out"
2001, March, "Those
Who Have Died"
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